Post by Rakshasi on Dec 12, 2008 6:57:32 GMT 10
rights to statehood.
forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.html?topicId=13275621660&sid=1
"(Caution: Wall Of Text.)
To the citizens of Stormwind, in light of your failure to get a proper king who is an unlikable jerk, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Warchief Thrall resumes monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Redridge Mountains, which he does not fancy.
Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Vol‘jin, that other guy in Grommash Hold for the 97.8% of you who have, until now, been unaware there's a troll faction leader) will appoint a Minister for Stormwind. The House of Nobles and the Church of the Light are disbanded. A questionnaire circulated next year will determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid your transition to a Orcish Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. Look up revocation in the dictionary. Check aluminium in the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you pronounce it. The letter “U” will be reinstated in words such as favour and neighbour. Likewise you will learn to spell doughnut without skipping half the letters. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary.
Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “lol” and “wtf noob” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up “interspersed.” There will be no more ‘disable profanity filter‘ option. If you’re not old enough to cope with bad language then you should not be playing.
2. There is no such thing as Common. You will now and forever speak Orcish.
3. There is no jamacian accent, only a Troll accent. Additionally, Dwarven dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be shown with subtitles. You must learn that there is no such place as Durotarshire in Azeroth. The name of the county is “Durotar.” If you persist in calling it Durotarshire, all human states will become “shires” e.g. Elwynnshire Westfallshire, Duskwoodshire.
4. You should relearn your original national anthem, “Power of the Horde”, but only after fully carrying out task 1.
5. You should stop playing human “football.” There’s only one kind of football. What you call human “football” is not a very good game. The 2.1% of you aware there is a world outside your borders may have noticed no one else plays “human” football. You should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play orcish rugby (which is similar to human “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies, and only ends when at least half the members of either team are injured or dead, most likely from axe wounds).
You should stop playing baseball. It’s not reasonable to host an event called the ‘World Series’ for a game which is not played outside of Elwynn Forest. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls’ game called “rounders,” which is baseball without fancy team stripe, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
6. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns, or anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because you are not sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you need a permit to carry a vegetable peeler.
7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday. It will be called “Gank The Humans Day.”
8. All human mounts are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you wolf mounts, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start riding on the left. At the same time, you will go metric without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the orcish sense of humour.
9. Learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips. Fries aren’t french, they’re Dwarven though 97.8% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Khaz Modan. Potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
10. The cold tasteless stuff you call beer is actually lager. Only proper Dwarven Ale will be referred to as “beer.” Substances once known as “Human Beer” will henceforth be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” except for the product of the human Budweiser company which will be called “Weak Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine.” This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pandaria) to be sold without risk of confusion.
11. The orcs will harmonise training of spiritualists (or “priests and paladins,” as you will be permitted to keep calling it) for those of the former human nations, adopting shamanistic principles to guide you (your Holy Light has no guidance, get used to it).
12. Learn to resolve personal issues without lawyers. That you need many lawyers shows you’re not adult enough to be independent. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or killing them in a duel of honor, you’re not grown up enough to handle running a nation.
13. Please tell us where Garona Halforcen is. It’s been driving us crazy.
14. The tax collector, High Overlord Saurfang, will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to the First War) or he could cleave you, whichever you prefer.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Warchief Thrall "
forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.html?topicId=13275621660&sid=1
"(Caution: Wall Of Text.)
To the citizens of Stormwind, in light of your failure to get a proper king who is an unlikable jerk, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Warchief Thrall resumes monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Redridge Mountains, which he does not fancy.
Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Vol‘jin, that other guy in Grommash Hold for the 97.8% of you who have, until now, been unaware there's a troll faction leader) will appoint a Minister for Stormwind. The House of Nobles and the Church of the Light are disbanded. A questionnaire circulated next year will determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid your transition to a Orcish Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. Look up revocation in the dictionary. Check aluminium in the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you pronounce it. The letter “U” will be reinstated in words such as favour and neighbour. Likewise you will learn to spell doughnut without skipping half the letters. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary.
Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as “lol” and “wtf noob” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up “interspersed.” There will be no more ‘disable profanity filter‘ option. If you’re not old enough to cope with bad language then you should not be playing.
2. There is no such thing as Common. You will now and forever speak Orcish.
3. There is no jamacian accent, only a Troll accent. Additionally, Dwarven dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be shown with subtitles. You must learn that there is no such place as Durotarshire in Azeroth. The name of the county is “Durotar.” If you persist in calling it Durotarshire, all human states will become “shires” e.g. Elwynnshire Westfallshire, Duskwoodshire.
4. You should relearn your original national anthem, “Power of the Horde”, but only after fully carrying out task 1.
5. You should stop playing human “football.” There’s only one kind of football. What you call human “football” is not a very good game. The 2.1% of you aware there is a world outside your borders may have noticed no one else plays “human” football. You should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play orcish rugby (which is similar to human “football”, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies, and only ends when at least half the members of either team are injured or dead, most likely from axe wounds).
You should stop playing baseball. It’s not reasonable to host an event called the ‘World Series’ for a game which is not played outside of Elwynn Forest. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls’ game called “rounders,” which is baseball without fancy team stripe, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
6. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns, or anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because you are not sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you need a permit to carry a vegetable peeler.
7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday. It will be called “Gank The Humans Day.”
8. All human mounts are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you wolf mounts, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start riding on the left. At the same time, you will go metric without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the orcish sense of humour.
9. Learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips. Fries aren’t french, they’re Dwarven though 97.8% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Khaz Modan. Potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
10. The cold tasteless stuff you call beer is actually lager. Only proper Dwarven Ale will be referred to as “beer.” Substances once known as “Human Beer” will henceforth be referred to as “Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine,” except for the product of the human Budweiser company which will be called “Weak Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine.” This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pandaria) to be sold without risk of confusion.
11. The orcs will harmonise training of spiritualists (or “priests and paladins,” as you will be permitted to keep calling it) for those of the former human nations, adopting shamanistic principles to guide you (your Holy Light has no guidance, get used to it).
12. Learn to resolve personal issues without lawyers. That you need many lawyers shows you’re not adult enough to be independent. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or killing them in a duel of honor, you’re not grown up enough to handle running a nation.
13. Please tell us where Garona Halforcen is. It’s been driving us crazy.
14. The tax collector, High Overlord Saurfang, will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to the First War) or he could cleave you, whichever you prefer.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Warchief Thrall "
